by Dr. Catherine Clark Kroeger

The Law of Israel on Household Violence

If a man hits a manservant or maidservant in the eye and destroys it, he must let the servant go free to compensate for the eye. And if he knocks out the tooth of a manservant or maidservant, he must let the servant go free to compensate for the tooth. (Ex. 21:26-27.)

The Prophets on Violence

"I hate a man's covering his wife with violence, as well as with his garment," says the Lord Almighty . . You have wearied the Lord with your words. How have we wearied him?" you ask. By saying "all who do evil are good in the eyes of the Lord, and he is pleased with them," or "Where is the God of justice?" Malachi 2:16-17. (NIV alternate translation) "Give up your violence and oppression and do what is just and right." (Ezekiel 45:9) "Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife, and in striking each other with wicked fists. You cannot fast as you do today and expect your voice to be heard on high.¹ Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?" (Isaiah. 58:4 - 6)

1. The concept of abuse as nullifying the prayers of the abuser is also found in I Peter 3:7.

The Destructive Effects of Violence on the Batterer

The trouble he causes recoils on himself; his violence comes down on his own head. (Ps. 7:16 The violence of the wicked will drag them away, for they refuse to do what is right. Pr.21:7 If anyone turns a deaf ear to the law, even his prayers are detestable. (Pr. 28:9) the merciful man doeth good to his own soul;’ but he that is cruel troubles his own flesh. (Proverbs 11:17)

Violence associated with wrong choices, injustice, lying, evil, and Satan

The violent devise injustice (Psalm 58:2) "Their hearts plot violence" (Proverbs 24:2 NIV) The violent bear false witness. Psalm 27:12; 140:11; Proverbs 10:6,11.Hosea 12:1. Micah 6:12, Zephaniah. 1:9) Violence associated with Satan. (Ezekiel 28:16)." Do not envy a violent man or choose any of his ways." (Proverbs 3:31 NIV).

Stalking and Verbal Abuse Condemned

All day long they twist my words; they are always plotting to harm me. They conspire, they lurk, they watch my steps, eager to take my life.(Ps. 56:5-6) They have tracked me down, they now surround me, with eyes alert, to throw me to the ground. (Ps.17:11) "In his arrogance, the wicked man hunts down the weak. He lies in wait near the villages; from ambush he murders the innocent, watching in secret for his victims. He lies in wait like a lion in cover; he lies in wait to catch the helpless; he catches the helpless and drags them off in his net." (Ps.10:28-9 )See also Psalm 37:33; 59:3; Jeremiah 5:26; Micah 7:2. God's Purpose is to give deliverance from violence

From violent men you rescued me. (II Samuel 22:49. Psalm 18:48 NIV). God will judge the violent (Ps.11:5) and deliver the oppressed who cry out to him. (II Samuel 22:3) “You hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed, in order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more.”(Ps.10:17-18)

For the Lord grants wisdom; knowledge and discernment are by His decree. For wisdom will enter your mind and knowledge will delight you. Foresight will protect you, and discernment will guard you. It will save you from the way of evil men, from men who speak duplicity, who leave the paths of rectitude to follow the ways of darkness, who rejoice in doing evil and exult in the duplicity of evil men whose paths are crooked and who are devious in their course. (Proverbs 2:6-14)

Jesus on Child Abuse

In that hour, the disciples came to Jesus saying, "Who then is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" Calling a little child, Jesus set her in their midst and said "Truly, truly I say to you, unless you repent and become as little children, you shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble themselves as this little child, that man or woman is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And who ever receives on such little child in my name receives me. Whosoever shall give offense to (cause to sin, shock) one of these little ones who believe on me, it would be better for the offender that a mill-stone would be hung about his neck and he were sunk into the sea." (Matthew 18:1-6)² "Whoever shall offend one of these little ones who believe on me, it would be good for the abuser rather if a millstone lay about his neck and he were cast into the sea." (Mark 9:42) "It is unavoidable that offenses (literally that which causes revulsion) should come; but woe to him by whom they come. It would be better for him if a mill stone lay about his neck and he were thrown into the sea rather than that he should offend one of these little ones." (Luke 17:1-2.)

2. Unless otherwise indicated, all translations are those of Catherine C. Kroeger.

Jesus on Verbal Abuse

You have heard that it was said in the olden days "Do not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be liable for judgment." But I say to you that anyone who is angry with his brother shall be liable for judgment. And whoever shall say to his brother "You numbskull" shall be liable to the council. Whoever shall say "You imbecile," shall be in danger of hell fire. (Matthew 5:21-22.) How are you able to speak good things when you yourselves are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. Good persons bring forth good things out of the good treasure within themselves, while evil persons bring forth evil things from the evil storehouse within themselves. I say to you that for every evil word which people speak they must give an accounting on the day of judgment. You shall be justified by your words, and you shall be condemned by your words. (Matthew 12:34-37)

It is not what goes into the mouth which defiles a person but what proceeds out of the mouth - this defiles a person. . . . The things which proceed forth out of the mouth come out of the heart, and they defile a person, for out of the heart come forth disputes, evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, sexual exploitation, robberies, false witness, abuse and blasphemy. These are the things which defile the person. (Matthew 15:18-20)

Threats the work of the wicked

His mouth is full of curses and lies and threats; trouble and evil are under his tongue (Ps. 10:7) In their arrogance they threaten oppression (Psalm 73:8. cf. Acts 2:17; 4:29;9:1)

Do not threaten (Eph. 6:9)

The Epistles on Sexual Abuse

I wrote to you in a letter not to associate with those whose sexual conduct is improper - but by no means with the immoral of this world, or the exploitive or the rapists³ or idolaters, since then you would be obliged to leave the world. But now I write to you not to associate with any who, though they call themselves sister or brother, yet engage in sexually inappropriate behavior⁴ or are exploitive or idolatrous⁵ or verbally abusive or drunken or rapists. Do not share the fellowship of the Lord's supper with such persons.⁶ Why should I judge those who are without? Rather judge those who are within,⁷ and God will judge those who are without. Cast out the evil person from among you.⁸ (I Corinthians 5:9-11)

For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from fornication; that each one of you know how to control your own body in holiness and honor, not with lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one wrong or exploit a brother or sister in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, just as we have already told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God did not call us to impurity but in holiness. Therefore whoever rejects this rejects not human authority but God, who also gives his Holy Spirit to you. (1 Thessalonians. 4:3-8)

3. The word used here harpax can refer to anyone who seizes by force against the will of another. Translators usually render this "robber" or "rapacious" but the term is used specifically of rapists. In a passage on sexual immorality, this is the most appropriate meaning.
4. The Greek adjective used here pornos and the related noun porneia, cover a wide range of sexually inappropriate and exploitive behaviors, such as obscenity, prostitution, indecent exposure, rape, fornication, incest, and pederasty. No one English word implies the whole cluster of activities. This means that we often fail to understand the strength of the biblical condemnation of abuse.
5. Idolatry in the ancient world was frequently associated with explicitly sexual behavoir.
6. Such behavior is unacceptable within the believing community.
7. Here the church is specifically charged to deal with sexual misbehavior within the congregation. The believing community is responsible not only to protect the victim but to condemn the perpetrator.
8. This is an Old Testament quotation. See Deuteronomy 17:7; 19:19; 22:21,24; 24:7.

The Conversion of Rapists:

Neither thieves nor the exploitive nor drunkards those who are verbally abusive nor rapists shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you; but you are washed, but you are sanctified, but you are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, and in the Spirit of our God. (I Corinthians 6:10-11).

The Apostle Paul Calls upon the Church to Assume Responsibility in a Known Case of Incest

It is commonly reported that there is inappropriate sexual behavior among you, and of such a kind as is abhorred by the heathen, that a man should have his father's wife. And have you not been arrogant when you ought rather to have mourned, so that the one who did this deed may be removed from your midst? But I, though absent as to my body and yet present in my sprit, have already come to a judgment against the one who committed this outrage. In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, when you are gathered together with my spirit, in the power of our Lord Jesus, I decree that you give such an individual over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord. Your smug complacency is not good. Do you not know that a little yeast leavens all of the dough? Purge out the old yeast so that you may be a new dough without leaven. For Christ has been sacrificed as our Passover, so that we may keep the feast not with the old leaven of wickedness and guile, but with unleavened sincerity and truth.⁹ (I Corinthians 5:1-8).

9. In this extended passage the sacrifice of Christ, the Lamb unblemished with evil or hypocrisy, is specifically set against the wickedness and deceit of incest.

The Epistles on Verbal Abuse

If any consider themselves to be religious while their tongues are unbridled, they deceive their own hearts, and their religion is at this point an idle sham. . . . If anyone does not sin in their speech, this is a fully mature individual, able as well to bring his or her entire body under control. If we put bits into the mouths of horses in order to make them obey us, and we can move turn their whole bodies. Behold how great ships are driven by strong winds, and yet are guided by the smallest rudder wherever the impulse of the helmsman wills, and just so the tongue is a small member and yet has great things whereof to boast. Behold how small a fire sets a whole wood ablaze, and the tongue is a fire. The tongue constitutes a world of wickedness among out members, polluting the whole body and inflaming the cycle of existence, and is set on flame by hell. For every sort of beast and bird and reptile and sea creature is tamed and has been controlled by humanity. But no one can tame the human tongue, an unruly evil and full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we pour invective upon people who have been made in God's likeness. From the same mouth comes forth both blessing and abusive cursing. Brother and sisters, this ought not to be so. (James 2:2-10)

The Epistles on Sexual Harassment

All filthiness and foolish jesting - let it not be named among you as befits the saints. Eph. 5:4 Now put away all wrath, venom, evil, blasphemy, dirty jokes from out of your mouth. Col. 3:8

Seven Things that God Hates

There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him. Haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that hurry to run to evil, a lying witness who testifies falsely, and one who sows discord in a family. Proverbs 6:17-19.

Batterers Disqualified from Church Leadership

A bishop should be above reproach, the husband of one wife,¹⁰ sober, discreet, honorable, hospitable, apt to teach, not given to wine, not a batterer, but meek, peaceable, handling the affairs of his own household well, with children who behave in a responsible fashion. (I Timothy 3:2-3)"It is necessary for a bishop to be of irreproachable character, as the steward of God, not arrogant nor quick-tempered, nor given to strong drink, nor a batterer, nor greedy for financial gain." (Titus 1:6-7; See II Timothy 2:24)

10. During the New Testament period, it was legal for a Jewish man to have more than one wife. A series of documents discovered in the Dead Sea area reveal that the practice was more widespread than previously thought. Bigamy was certainly not acceptable for leaders within the Christian community.

Biblical Antidotes

Thy gentleness hath made me great. (II Samuel 22:36. Psalm 18:35) Depart from evil and do good. Seek peace and pursue it. (Ps. 34:14) There is a future for the man of peace (Ps.37:37) There is deceit in the hearts of those who plot evil, but joy for those who promote peace. (Proverbs 12:20) Make your souls holy in obedience to the truth, and with unfeigned affection love one another steadfastly with a pure heart (I Pet.1:22) Be devoted to one another with kindly affection, in honor advancing one another. (Rom. 12:10)As much as it is possible for you, be at peace with everyone. (Rom. 12:18) Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. (Rom. 14:19) Be angry and do not sin. Do not let the sun go down upon your angry mood, lest you give an opportunity to the devil. (Eph. 4: 26-27) Let all bitterness and anger and rage and angry shouting and blasphemy be put away from you, along with all wickedness. Be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another just as God in Christ has forgiven you Eph, 4:31-32). Let your forbearing spirit be known to all people.(Phil.4:5) Seek peace with everyone and holiness, without which no one shall see the Lord. (Heb. 12:14)

The call for God's People to Deliver the Oppressed from the Hands of the Violent

Again I looked and saw all the oppression that was taking place under the sun: I saw the tears of the oppressed - and they have no comforter; power was on the side of their oppressors - and they have no comforter.(Eccl.4:1.) The righteous king will defend the afflicted and crush the oppressor (Ps. 72:1-4) He will rescue them from oppression and violence, for precious is their blood in his sight. (Ps. 72:14.) Thus says the Lord: Act with justice and righteousness, and deliver from the hand of the oppressor anyone who has been robbed. And do no wrong or violence to the alien, the fatherless, and the widow, or shed innocent blood in this place. (Jer.22:3.) He did what was right and just, so all went well with him. He defended the cause of the poor and the needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" declares the Lord (Jer.22:15-16.) Thus says the Lord: Execute justice in the morning, and deliver from the hand of the oppressor anyone who has been robbed, or else my wrath will go forth like fire, and burn, with no one to quench it, because of your evil doings." (Jeremiah 21:12. NRSV)

God's Purpose that Homes be Free of Oppression, Fear and Terror

Thy Maker is thy husband . . . And all thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the peace of thy children. In righteousness shall you be established: you shall be far from oppression; for you shall not fear; and from terror; for it shall not come near thee. (Isaiah. 54:5-14) I will bring health and healing. I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and safety. (Jeremiah. 33:6)

The Need for Believing Communities to Deal with the Problems Associated with Abuse

What I meant was that you are not to associate with anyone who claims to be a Christian yet indulges in sexual sin, or is greedy, or worships idols, or is abusive, or a drunkard or a swindler. Don’t even eat with such people. (1 Cor. 5:11) See also Mt. 18: 15-17; 1 Cor. 5: 4-5; 2 Cor. 2:5-11; Galatians 6;1; 1 Thes. 5:14; 2 Thes. 3:14-15; I Tim. 5:20; 2 Tim 4:2; Titus 2:15; 3: 10-11; James 5:19, 20;

Submission should not be given to individuals whose behavior or communication is wrong, even though they pretend to be very pious. (2 Cor. 11:20; Galatians 2:5-6)

The Need for a Safety Plan

The prudent person foresees the danger ahead and takes precautions. The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences.”(Proverbs 22:3; 27:12)

An Abused Woman’s Feeling of Betrayal

My friends and companions avoid me because of my wounds. My neighbors stay far away, (Ps. 38:11)

Even my close friend whom I trusted, he who shared my bread, has lifted up his heel against me. (Ps. 41:9)

My companion attacks his friends; he violates his covenant. His speech is smooth as butter, yet war is in his heart; his words are more soothing than oil, yet they are drawn swords. (Ps. 20-21).

If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him. but it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God. (Ps. 55:12-14).

The Prayer of One in Danger

Rescue me, O Lord, from evil men; protect me from men of violence., who devise evil plans in their hearts and stir up war every day. They make their tongues as sharp as a serpent’s. The poison of vipers is on their lips. Keep me, O Lord, from the hands of the wicked; protect me from men of violence who plan to trip my feet. Proud men have hidden a snare for me; they have spread out the cords of their net and have set traps for me along the path. O Lord, I say to you “You are my God,” Hear, O Lord, my cry for mercy. . . . Rescue me from my enemies, O Lord, for I hide myself in you. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground. For your name’s sake, O Lord, preserve my life; in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble" (Ps.140:1-11 NIV).

God Hears the Cry of Abused Women

Your lovers despise you; they seek your life. I hear a cry as of a woman in labor, a groan as of one bearing the first child - the cry of the Daughter of Zion gasping for breath, stretching out her hands and saying, "Alas! I am fainting; my life is given over to murderers." (Jeremiah. 4:30-31)

Is there no balm in Gilead? Is there no physician there? Why then has the health of the daughter of my people not been restored? (Jer.8:22)

God is with Abused Women
Out of my distress I called on the Lord
the Lord answered and set me free,
With the Lord on my side I do not fear.
What can people do to me?
The Lord is on my side to help me;

I shall look in triumph on those who hate me.(Psalm 118:5-6) The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desire of those who love him; he hears their cry and saves them. (Ps. 145:17-19). He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds (Ps. 147:3).

A Word to Pastors

Hear then, O shepherds, the word of the Lord! As I live — declares the Lord God: Because My flock has been a spoil — My flock has been a prey for all the wild beasts, for want of anyone to tend them, since My shepherds have not taken thought of My flock, for the shepherds tended themselves instead of tending the flock — hear indeed, O shepherds,, the word of the Lord: Thus said the Lord God: I am going to deal with the shepherds! I will demand a reckoning of them for My flock.(Ezekiel 34:7-9)

God’s Promise

Thus says the Lord God: Here am I! I am going to take thought for My flock, and I will seek them out. As a shepherd seeks out his flock when some animals in his flock have gotten separated, so I will seek out My flock, I will rescue them from all the places to which they were scattered on a day of cloud and gloom. . . . I will look for the lost, and I will bring back the strayed; I will bandage the injured, and I will sustain the weak. . . And as for you, My flock, thus said the Lord God: I am going to judge between one animal and another. To the rams and the bucks: Is it not enough to you to graze on choice grazing ground, but you must also trample with your feet what is left from your grazing? And is it not enough for you to drink clear water, but you must also muddy with your feet what is left? And My flock graze on what your feet have trampled and drink what your feet have muddied. Assuredly, thus said the Lord God to them: Here am I, I am going to decide between the stout animals and the lean. Because you pushed with flank and shoulder against the feeble ones and butted them with your horns until you scattered them abroad, I will rescue My flock and they shall no longer be a spoil. I will decide between one animal and another. . . . (34:11-22)

Trust in me in your times of trouble, and I will rescue you; and you will give me glory. (Ps. 50:1)

Prepared by Catherine Kroeger, Peace and Safety in the Christian Home, 1095 Stony Brook Road, Brewster, MA 02631 Telephone 508-896-1963 http://www.peaceandsafety.com