By Rev. Steve McMullin 

As she did every Sunday morning, Janet was getting her two children ready to go to church while her husband slept after a night of drinking. But this Sunday was different. In fear, Janet had stayed awake all night after her husband arrived home in a drunken rage, hitting her and threatening to beat the children. It wasn’t the first incident like that, but it was certainly the worst. Janet had been beaten before, but this was the first time her husband had threatened the children; and as she realized the violence was escalating, she knew that soon she wouldn’t be able to shield her young son and daughter from their father’s rage. Her home was no longer a safe place for the children or for her. She always thought she would be able to protect them, but this morning she realized they were in danger. Tired and worried as she got ready for church, she wondered about her Christian faith and the teaching of the Bible. The words “God hates divorce” echoed through her mind as she thought about packing a suitcase and leaving. “Wives, submit to your husbands” - her devout Christian mother had reminded her of that Bible verse on her wedding day twelve years before. Janet wanted to be a devout follower of Jesus, who took her marriage vows seriously, but she knew her marriage had been far different from her parents’ marriage - a relationship where her father and mother loved and respected each other and where she had never heard a word spoken in anger

Janet had worked hard to keep the torment in her home a secret, but now she felt alone as she realized there was no one who knew about the violence. She had been so careful to hide the abuse from her family and friends that she was sure folks at church would be shocked to think that her well-respected husband was a violent man. People would probably not believe her. Tears welled up in her eyes as she and the children left for church.

Once in church, Janet hardly noticed what was happening around her. Holding back tears, she looked at the happy families sitting around her and wondered why she was the only person to be living such a nightmare. She tried to pray but wondered what good it would do. Church seemed so irrelevant to her problems. She wanted to get up and leave, but then she worried about what people would think about her - so she stayed glued to the seat, hoping to hold back the tears and that the sermon would not be too long. 

The sermon title was “The God Who Cares” and the pastor was talking about Abraham. As he continued to speak, she heard him refer to the abuse that Hagar suffered in the home of Abraham and Sarah.  After pausing to show a brief video clip of a Christian woman telling about her experience of violence in her marriage, the pastor defined abuse and then looked at the congregation and said, “I know there are a number of people in this congregation who have experienced violence in their home. Some of you have found refuge from the violence, but some of you may still be living in fear. If you are, I want you to know the Bible says that God hates violence and that he wants you and your family to be safe. If you don’t know where to turn for help, you can come to talk to me or you can find information about where to find help in today’s bulletin.” Janet hadn’t looked at the bulletin, but now she saw a note about a website - www. theraveproject.org - that would provide information about finding the nearest women’s shelter. She couldn’t believe the pastor had just said there were several other people in the congregation who had experienced domestic violence. She realized that God hated the violence she was experiencing, and she now knew she could trust the pastor to under- stand and believe her if she went to him for help. Suddenly she didn’t feel so alone anymore. In fact, she started to believe that God cared about her. She knew the road ahead would be difficult, but she had hope for herself and for her children.

The fictional story above is meant to illustrate why it is so important for those concerned about family violence to build bridges to pastors. A pastor is a key resource for people of faith who are experiencing family violence. However, research by Dr. Nancy Nason-Clark has shown that the vast majority of pastors do not feel well equipped to respond to domestic violence in their congregation. We also know that victims of family violence say they rarely hear sermons about family violence, even though it is a common problem in our society and in churches. That is the reason why the Religion and Violence E-Learning (RAVE) research team is working to build bridges to pastors in order to equip them to address family violence from the pulpit and to help them respond to families in crisis.  The sermon excerpt about Abraham, Sarah, and Hagar is one of many sermon resources offered on the RAVE website, as are the video clips that can be used as sermon illustrations or in discussion groups. Research data on the website can help pastors know and understand the facts about family violence so they can address it in their sermons; and online training modules on the website can provide pastors with the guidance and information they will need to assist people who seek help.  Maps provide contact information for women’s shelters in every state in the United States and for every province in Canada. The website also provides resources to help pastors understand theological issues surrounding Scripture passages that are often misused by abusers.

The RAVE project seeks to equip religious leaders to respond to domestic violence in ways that are compassionate, practical, and informed by the latest research and best practices for professionals. Through face-to-face presentations to diverse groups of people in a variety of settings, and through the online resources available on the RAVE website, our research team seeks to connect with church leaders and other resource people in the community so that pastors can effectively address and respond to domestic violence and so that effective community partnerships can be built that will include pastors. Within the faith community, victims of domestic violence often seek help first from their pastor. For that reason, it is especially important that pastors be part of the response to domestic violence and that they be equipped to respond well. Because the perpetrators of such abuse may attempt to misuse Scripture to justify their actions, it is also important that pastors be equipped theologically and hermeneutically to address such issues from the pulpit.

Although surveys have shown that pastors realize their lack of preparedness to respond to family violence, the RAVE team has learned that there are some challenges involved in building bridges to pastors so they will become aware of the resources available on the website and begin to use them. The first challenge is to get pastors to take the time to come to a presentation or to look at the website. Because they feel ill-equipped to respond, some pastors may convince themselves that family violence is not a problem in their congregation. Others may worry about the consequences of confronting leaders in the church whom they suspect are abusive in their homes. Once we have successfully invited pastors to attend a presentation, the challenges include everything from making sure that clergy from a wide variety of church traditions learn about the website, to finding a vocabulary that will be understood and respected by each group, to helping a variety of people understand how they can work in collaboration when in everyday life they are often quite separated from or even misunderstood by one another. People from different church traditions may have quite different perspectives about marriage and family, and about theology and biblical interpretation, but violence is a problem that has no religious boundaries. Additionally, people who serve as responders and resources in the community may have limited or no religious background, or may even be somewhat hostile to religious ideas. We need to build bridges also to those people in order to ensure that pastors are part of a community response to domestic violence and to ensure that the faith of victims is understood and respected. That means affirming the importance of pastors in the response to family violence, and helping non- religious community responders understand the significance of including pastors in the healing process for victims who are persons of faith.

By building these bridges, the RAVE team seeks to include religious leaders as an integral part of the response of the community to family violence. Our website is provided to the faith community to provide ongoing training, research data, and practical resources that can be used in sermons, youth group programs, women’s groups, and personal study. By being equipped to address and respond to family violence, the church can make a real difference in the lives of its members who are suffering abuse!

When violence strikes, chaos is created... the glass is shattered into many pieces.

When the language of the spirit (words of religious comfort) infuses the language of contemporary culture (principles of safety, accountability and empowerment), new images can be created from broken pieces of glass.

The RAVE Project