PASCH Member Andrea P. contacted Saddleback and gives us permission to use what she learned:

I bring good news for our good cause... Do not be discouraged by the quotes taken from Saddleback Community Church. It is not an accurate picture of what they really counsel!

I just called Saddleback and spoke to thier pastor on duty Jim Wilke, he seems to be one of the main guys in pastor care, has worked there for 20 yeas. I told him I was not calling to criticize or attack the article I read, but to verify that what I had read was a true and complete representation of the options they give battered wives in thier congregation, because I respected their pastor a great deal, and wanted to know where he was coming from with such advice...I gave the scenario of my specific situation and what would be recommended, you have a wife that left an abuser, an abuser who doesn't want to change, and their hard stand that abuse is no excuse for divorce. What is she supposed to do???

After talking for about 20 minutes, I realized that Saddleback does allow for divorce as an option in such case, when it becomes clear that the abusing spouse refuses to get real help and prove his changes over time. Jim said that the cycle of abuse and manipulation must first be broken, (that's no opportunity for him to get away with it), the abuser must repent, and not just with words but with proven measurable changes over time. He said the abuser must want to change, the church cannot enforce it. It can be suggested by the spouse, but is not her responsibility. He has seen in his 20 years of pastoral care, some marriages that were once broken by abuse, restored, others such as his own brother-in-law's, not, due to pride, refusal to let go of the sin.. You just have to make sure you've sought godly wisdom (which includes taking care of yourself), and the same is expected of the abuser. He percribed I surround myself with support and the Lord will make clear what I need to do. He said that Saddleback does NOT hold that God can't tell a woman to divorce her husband. They only encourage couples to consider the process of restoration; if either is unwilling to be part of that real process, then that partner has abandoned the marriage. Actually, he kind of insinuated that that is my option.. He told me about couples that at Saddleback who have gotten divorces and it took that for the abuser to want to change. It's choosing to end the marriage the way it is.

I was encouraged by this, and relieved. I have seen Rick speak before at an event and even met him. He seemed so down to earth, like one who maturely and carefully searches the whole Word before he answers. I was surprised by the push button statements that were quoted, and glad to find out that the counsel at the church is realistic, is informed, and is fair-minded when it comes to the options they give estranged battered wives. Jim said that what happens is pieces are taken from the whole of thier stand, and there is nothing they can do to stop it... I hope this is a relief to you as it is to me."