She was a little woman, hardly reaching up to my shoulder, always seeming to pitter about in the shadow of her “super” Christian husband. On a couple of occasions I had found her wiping away tears in an unused Sunday school room. Her husband had been vexed with her, she explained, even for the tiniest mistakes or sometimes for the malfunction of household appliances for which she bore no responsibility whatever. She confessed that they had seen a marriage counselor, who provided her with a list of suggestions to improve her conduct so that her husband would not be angry with her. No amount of effort on her part, however, seemed to help.

That she was abused had never occurred to her, only that she never seemed to be able to satisfy her husband’s demands. She was always the one at fault. This was not the time to use the word “abuse,” but it was a time to speak of her own right to respect and to kindly treatment. She had been created by the Father, redeemed by the Son, and empowered by the Holy Spirit; and for starters, she must become more respectful of herself. It was wrong for anyone to call her names, to humiliate her, or to treat her disrespectfully. Along with a list of Scripture that condemned mistreatment, I lent her a copy of The Emotionally Destructive Relationship by Leslie Vernick.

Soon the little woman was back with book in hand. “Is this what has been happening to me?” This was a question she would have to answer for herself, once she saw herself as a person of worth and dignity. She also saw that the Bible taught that unkind treatment is the sin of the abuser, not of the victim.

Little by little, as she studied the Scriptures, she was able to articulate her new insights to her husband. She moved slowly and carefully, but things began to change. Instead of the doormat who absorbed abuse with tears and abjection, she was now a person who understood that she deserved decent treatment and that her husband was a person who deserved to dignify himself by respectful treatment of his wife.

At this point, the couple began to attend a series of revival meetings, and cruelty was replaced with kindness. They both experienced a spiritual transformation. Blame and faultfinding were replaced by a willingness to share and shoulder responsibilities for failures. The husband could no longer use Scripture to condemn her, for she was well aware of what the Bible had to say about the many forms of abuse. Her attitude became more joyful and more self-assured. She was a valuable person!

Many stories do not end so happily, and often it is not safe for the victim to address the conduct of the perpetrator. Often the victim’s selfimage has been so utterly demolished that she dare not make any effort to help herself. But let us begin by teaching them that they are of infinite worth to themselves, to others, and to God.?