It began as a fairly typical situation: A group of four friends and I sat in a hallway in our church, having a casual conversation. One friend scrolled through pictures on another’s camera phone, commenting on the ones he appeared in. Suddenly, a look of shock crossed his face. He stammered, “That’s horrible!” and then passed the phone to the girl sitting across from him. Curious, I peered over at the picture that inspired such a strong reaction. An animated image in the likeness of Chris Brown, a popular rapper, appeared on the screen. Mocking a recent report of dating violence, Brown’s portrait constantly slapped an animated picture of his girlfriend and R&B performer, Rihanna. In horror, I grabbed the phone and deleted the picture. The young woman who owned the phone rebuked me, asking why I had erased it.

Why had I erased the picture? Her question troubled me almost as much as the fact that she had the image in the first place. What appeared to her as a celebrity scandal, an isolated event, was just one example of dating violence that occurs in relationships across the United States every day. A study published in the American Medical Association’s journal states that approximately 20 percent of high-school aged women report to being sexually or physically abused by someone they dated,1 and another survey concluded that 57 percent of teenagers know a friend or an acquaintance who has been abused by a partner.2 Although the media’s fascination with the aforementioned example makes dating violence seem rare, the reality for today’s teens is drastically different.

Given the above information, the reaction of the young woman who owned the picture may seem cruel and insensitive. Her view, however, is surprisingly common. A survey conducted in Massachusetts about the Chris Brown and Rihanna incident provides a frightening view into how often victims become scapegoats for abuse. Out of the two hundred teenagers interviewed, 46 percent blamed Rihanna for the incident, and over half thought both she and her abuser deserved equal blame.3 Oftentimes the victims are manipulated into blaming themselves for the abuse. A former abuse victim, referred to as “Lana” in the book Saving Beauty from the Beast, stated in an interview: “I thought I was being strong by putting up with everything he did…when he didn’t get better, I thought it was my personal failure. I should have been working harder.”4

In 1999, author Laurie Halse Anderson wrote a young adult novel that she expected no one would publish. After being published, however, it became a New York Times best-seller, won numerous awards, and was made into a film. In an interview about the book Speak, which deals with date rape and the effect it has on the main character Melinda, author Laurie Halse Anderson said, “I have gotten one question repeatedly from young men. These are guys who liked the book, but they are honestly confused. They ask me why Melinda was so upset about being raped.”5 In a culture that stresses male dominance, particularly in the area of sexuality, it is easy for young men to misunderstand the effects of violence against women. When juvenile sex offenders in California were surveyed, approximately one quarter stated that they believed that sex was an expression of power, and nearly 18 percent believed that sex was a way to punish their partner or release anger.6

Many factors contribute to popular culture’s insensitivity toward dating violence. However, the first step from respect to complete disregard for a partner’s wishes is the belief that the victim is an object and therefore incapable of sensitivity. Due to its widespread use and availability, perhaps the most harmful influence in objectification of women is pornography. Serial killer Ted Bundy, who murdered and tortured at least thirty women before being sentenced to death, said in his final interview, “I’m no social scientist, and I don’t pretend to believe what John Q. Citizen thinks about this, but I’ve lived in prison for a long time now, and I’ve met a lot of men who were motivated to commit violence [against women]. Without exception, every one of them was deeply involved in pornography—deeply consumed by the addiction.”7

Although Ted Bundy’s horrible crimes were inspired by his addiction to violent pornography, it has recently been discovered that sexualized, albeit non-pornographic, images can inspire dangerous reactions. Researchers at Princeton University used brain scans to conclude that “when straight men looked at pictures of women in bikinis, areas of the brain that normally light up in anticipation of using tools, like spanners and screwdrivers, were activated.” It was also discovered that areas of the brain usually connected with empathy for others stopped operating for a while after viewing the images.8

Growing up in an abusive family increases the possibility that a child will grow up to become an abuser in a dating relationship. Whether the parents hurt one another, or the parent abuses the child, either scenario creates an unhealthy relationship model for the child. In fact, compared with children growing up in healthy homes, abused children are seven times more likely to become abusive or antagonistic toward their dating partners.9 A famous example of this is displayed in the story of Burt and Linda Pugach, as told in the award-winning documentary Crazy Love. Growing up, Burt was physically and verbally abused by his mother. While in his thirties, he fell madly in love with the young Linda Riss. Despite his flattery and ostentatious gifts, Linda became uneasy with his attentions. She broke off their relationship when she discovered that he was married, but he continued to stalk and obsess over her. Upon her engagement to another man, Burt grew so infuriated that he hired men to attack and blind her with lye at her home in New York. Burt’s unhealthy relationship with Linda was strongly influenced by his relationship with the dominant woman in his early years, his mother. Biographer Berry Stainback, who was interviewed for the documentary, said about Burt’s childhood: “As a child, people tended to look down on Burt and make fun of him, things like that...and it all stems from [his] parent’s relationship.”10

During a conversation I had about abuse with Mother Ann Paton, my church’s liturgical assistant, she said, “Abuse is disrespecting the fact that another is made in God’s image.” Her view is one that many Christians have adopted and applied to their relationships. However, other Christians have views that open the door to accepting abuse. Martha Peace, speaker and supporter of “biblical womanhood,” says in her book The Excellent Wife, “If you disobey your husband, you are indirectly shaking your fist at God.”11 If this is true, then abuse could be viewed as a necessary disciplinary action for disobedient wives. Evangelical professor and theologian Bruce Ware supports the dominant role of husbands in marriage, even though he recognizes its dangers due to the sinfulness of mankind. In one sermon he stated, “Husbands on their parts, because they’re sinners, now respond to that threat to their authority either by being abusive, which is of course one of the ways men can respond when their authority is challenged—or, more commonly, to become passive, acquiescent, and simply not asserting the leadership they ought to as men in their homes and in churches.”12 Which view is best supported by biblical evidence? To find the answer, we must begin with Genesis.

During the Creation, God said, “‘Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.’ So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them” (Gen. 1:27).  Neither male nor female is dominant in God’s perfect creation; both are equal and complementary in the sight of the Lord.

Unfortunately, life does not continue in this beautiful equilibrium. A mere two chapters later, both man and woman have sinned and have destroyed the sinless freedom they enjoyed with their Creator. Only now does God speak the words of Genesis 3:16: “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you,” a punishment given to sinful humankind.

The story could end in this fallen mayhem. However, it does not. Through the forgiveness and fulfillment of God’s promise completed through the death and resurrection of Christ, equality has been restored. According to Paul’s letter to the church in Galatia, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.” All humans are created in the image of God and deserve dignity and respect—the opposite of abuse.

This equality through Christ does not end in marriage. However, a verse in Ephesians seems to directly contradict this: “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything” (Eph. 5:24). If we view this verse solely, we ignore another example of Christ’s restoration of the Creation. Throughout the rest of the passage, a clear view is given of an ideal marriage: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her….However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” (Eph. 5: 25, 33). The wording in this passage is clearly different from that given in Genesis—in the earlier passage, the husband will “rule over [his wife],” whereas in Ephesians marriage is shown through mutual love and respect.

            Because of the new covenant under which we live as Christians, we need to make a proactive effort to fight all kinds of relationship abuse with care and peace. Considering the presence of dating abuse in our culture and that today’s teenagers are the future leaders of the church, dealing with dating abuse is an important step. It is, however, not necessarily the place to begin. As “prevention is better than cure,” fighting gender-based violence should begin as early as Sunday school. Donald Guffey, a guest blogger whose personal testimony was shared on the “CBE Scroll,” said, “Prejudices and stereotypes have to be taught—they are not inherent.”13 If we can instill values of equality in young Christians, we may not need to take steps to end violence in the future. From toddlers to teenagers, youth should be informed of egalitarian principles and learn to make decisions based on them.            Abuse will never completely disappear from our sinful world. Therefore, it is imperative that the Christian community provides help for persons involved in abusive relationships. Counseling can be beneficial to both victims and abusers, but only if it is free from judgment and focuses on equality. In order to create an atmosphere where victims feel comfo

Citations

 1 Silverman, Jay G, PhD, Anita Raj, PhD, Lorelei A. Mucci, PhD, and Jeanne E. Hathaway, MD MPH. “Dating Violence Against Adolescent Girls and Associated Substance Use, Unhealthy Weight Control, Sexual Risk Behavior, Pregnancy, and Suicidality.” Journal of the American Medical Association 286 (2001): 572–79.

 2  “Liz Claiborne Inc. Omnibuzz Topline Findings: Teen Relationship Abuse Research.” Love is Not Abuse. 23 June 2005. Teen Research Unlimited. 20 Apr. 2009.

3 Valencia, Milton J., and Jenna Nierstedt. “Many Boston teens surveyed say Rihanna is at fault for assault.” Boston Globe 13 March 2009: B2.

4 Crompton, Vicki, and Ellen Zelda Kessner. Saving Beauty from the Beast: How to Protect Your Daughter from an Unhealthy Relationship. Boston: Little, Brown and Company, 2003.

5 Anderson, Laurie Halse. Speak. Platinum ed. New York: Puffin, 2006.

6 Teen Dating Violence Facts. Rep. 23 Feb. 2006. American Bar Association. 18 Apr. 2009 .

7 Dobson, James. “Fatal Addiction: Ted Bundy’s Final Interview.” Pure Intimacy. Focus on the Family. 20 Apr. 2009 .

8 Sample, Ian. “Sex objects: Pictures shift men’s view of women.” Guardian.co.uk. 16 Feb. 2009. 19 Apr. 2009 .

9 Teen Safety: Dating and Relationships. DVD. Learning Zone Xpress, 2008.

10 Crazy Love. Dir. Dan Klores. Perf. Burt and Linda Pugach. DVD. Magnolia Pictures, 2007.

11 Peace, Martha. The Excellent Wife: a Biblical Perspective. Bemidji, Minn: Focus Pub., Inc., 1995.

12 Fortune, Marie. “Confusion Reigns for Southern Baptist Professor.” EthicsDaily.com. 14 July 2008. 24 Apr. 2009 .

13 Guffey, Donald. “Personal Story.” Weblog post. The CBE Scroll. 27 Mar. 2009. 22 Apr. 2009 .

rtable sharing their burdens, adults too should be educated about egalitarianism. Deleting a picture of abuse won’t erase the issue, but a dedicated church filled with Christ’s love and understanding can.